Making Decisions

I should probably give this post a better title like.. finally enrolled in form six or something similar to that, but nope. I'm going for a deep talk today. And yes, if you have not already known, I have registered myself in form six on 5th of May *throws confetti* As much as most of you guys have heard about me, no - I have not enrolled in any college. I don't know why I always give the wrong impression like most people believe that I am a Christian; but I'm not, or in this case, most people believe that I have enrolled in some college; again, I didn't. Just to make things clear. 

It is tremendously scary when you think of putting yourself out there and plunging into the vast unknown. The extremely blur and fast-motioned transitional period from being a student and actually stepping into the society can be quite uncomfortable. After form five, you'd think that everything is going to be easy or that everything would fall into their own places as time comes. Trust me, all the fantasies will not come true. The good part after graduating from high school, is that you actually have a few months of free time to yourself and get to chill for a bit. The worse part, is actually not pursuing your pre-u or foundation or form six or whatever course you are to take. To me, I find the absolute struggling and grueling period is when I make decisions. 

Stepping out from high school, every decision you make is vital. It determines your future pathway. The reality that the power of shaping your future is in your own hands can be overwhelming at times, which makes easy decision seems complex. The problem I have encountered is that - first, I don't know what to based on when I make my decisions. I am always torn between following my own heart and analyzing all the facts and benefits of each decisions about to be made. Can't deny, I am more of a believer / dreamer / adventurer rather than a realist. But, I know we don't live on Unicorn Island and the point of view of a realist must be taken into account as well. 

My second problem is somehow related to my first problem - I am a hesitant and hasty person. Worse kind of combination. I can't make decisions in a split seconds. Usually when I do, I end up whining about it and regretting the decision I made. I think that my first problem and second problem is kind of inter-related because I tend to over think. To be honest, nothing can change a decision I am about to make. In fact, more than 80% of the time when I ask for advice from you guys, a decision has already been made regardless of how good the advice I am about to receive. 

A huge part of life after stepping out from high school is about making decisions. You will find yourself constantly repeating the questions such as: Which field should I pursue? Where should I go? I heard that form six is very tiring and it's very hard to score a four flat.. Should I just enroll in a college? I am a Science student but.. what if I find Arts stream more interesting? Well, I don't know what I want to be in the future, but since I'm good in studies, I should just continue studying in Science stream, right? I don't think my family has the financial ability to support me to enroll in private colleges, but I really want to further my studies overseas. What should I do? Most of my friends are going for that, should I go for this all by myself? 

Technically, I do not have the answers to the questions even though I have questioned myself for the umpteenth time. I know that someday, I will have the answer to the questions when I have finally taken the route and experienced things myself. But for now, if there is anything that I can point out to help you clear the clutter or help to dissolve your dilemma, this is probably the biggest struggle that every students face.

Everybody has a stereotypical mindset that good students (diligent, from Science stream, scored quite a number of A's in SPM) should maintain in Science stream. They would tell you: "Since your place in Science stream is already safeguarded, why trouble yourself to appeal and change it to Arts stream?" The truth is, I find that people are often confusing between being an elite student and being a pushover. The stream that we ought to choose is based on our field of career in the future. Every decision that we make is based on our passion, not driven by mere desire or material aspects such as assuming that high pay jobs are better or that they deserve higher form of respect. Most importantly, do not just follow what others say blindly. They can only advise you, not interfere with your decision.

Just like Stephen Chbosky said - be a filter, not a sponge :)