I feel like I am living in a shell, a world of hollow and grief. The exams are like tonnes of stones that are building a mountain on my back, crushing my bones into ashes and feeding on my energy like parasites feeding on their hosts. To be honest, I have prepared in advanced and put in a little more effort than I did in my previous exams. The sad case is, I have laze in the my genes - in the backbones, in the blood pumping from my heart to the whole body, in every particles that made up my whole body. It's inevitable, which leads to a cluster of very serious consequences. I hate exams but I wanted to get a scholarship and get some good education in America or UK. So, I still need to study to get good grades in my SPM, then only I have a mere hope of getting the scholarship. I've always wanted to further my studies to America or UK because I love their culture and I love to blend into new environment and get in touch with different kind of people from all around the world. Conclusion: THE ONLY WAY OUT IS IN.
It has been a few very busy and tight-scheduled weeks for me. I don't really schedule my time because I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT. I just get so disorganised and so untidy all the time which, again, leads to what I'm facing right now - exams failure and exams phobia. My grades are not hiking up and it's getting worse and worse. Exams phobia is mainly caused by my poorly "undernourished" grades that would probably be a child who is suffering from kwashiorkor if made a comparison to a human. While others are having "fat and mouth-watering pork ribs" grades (AKA: excellent grades), I'm oblivious to the fact that - it's time for a change.
Let's just hope that I'll turn over a new leaf.. which I will probably not.
Till next time chaps. Ta! :D
